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Article published on LinkedIn.com: July 12, 2023
19_FEAR OF FAILURE_En.pdf
FEAR OF FAILURE
Everyone hates to fail, but
for some people, failure poses such a significant
psychological threat that their motivation to avoid failure
outweighs their motivation to succeed.
This fear
of failure leads them to unconsciously sabotage their chances
of success in various ways.
Failure can elicit feelings
such as; disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, regret,
and confusion which, while unpleasant, are usually not enough
to trigger a full-fledged fear of failure.
Indeed, the
word is somewhat of a misnomer, as it is not a failure per se
that underlies the behavior of those who suffer from it. On
the contrary, the fear of failure is essentially a fear of
shame.
People who fear failure are motivated to avoid
failure not because they cannot handle the basic emotions of
disappointment, anger, and frustration that accompany such
experiences, but because failure also makes them feel deep
shame.
Shame is a toxic psychological emotion, because
without feeling bad about our actions « the culpability » or
our efforts « the regret, » shame makes us feel bad about who
we are.
Shame is central to our ego, our identity, our
self-esteem, and our feelings of emotional well-being.
The damaging nature of shame makes it urgent for those who
fear failure to avoid the psychological threats associated
with failure by finding unconscious ways to lessen the
implications of potential failure.
For example, buying
unnecessary new clothes for a job interview instead of
researching the company. This allows them to use the excuse of
simply not having had time to prepare well.
There are
several signs to help you grasp the meaning of the fear of
failure.
We experience all these things to some
degree.
1. Failing causes, you to worry about what
other people think of you.
2. Failure makes you worry about
your ability to pursue the future you want.
3. Failing
makes you fear that people will lose interest in you.
4. A
failure makes you worry about your intelligence or your
abilities.
5. Failing makes you fear disappointing people
whose opinion you value.
6. You tend to tell people in
advance that you don't believe you can succeed, in an attempt
to lower their expectations.
7. Once you fail at something,
you find it hard to imagine what you could have done
differently to succeed.
8. You often have last-minute
headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms that keep
you from finishing your preparation.
9. You are often
distracted by tasks that prevent you from completing your
preparation and which, in hindsight, were not as urgent as
they seemed at the time.
10. You tend to procrastinate and
run out of time to complete your preparation properly.
You may want to investigate further through further reading on
this topic or speaking to a mental health professional.
What to do when you fear failure?
The main problem with
fear of failure is that it tends to operate at an unconscious
level.
For example, you might think it's essential to
finish writing your month-end report because you promised to
send it by the end of the weekend, even though you're also on
the point of completing a sale that will positively affect
this month-end report.
To help you overcome and conquer
failure, it is important to be willing to believe that failure
makes you feel both fear and shame. Also, finding people you
trust with whom you can discuss your feelings will help.
Bringing these feelings to the surface can prevent you
from expressing them through unconscious efforts. Getting
comfort from people, you trust can boost your sense of
self-esteem while minimizing the risk of disappointing them.
Also, another good way is to focus on the aspects under
your control. Identify the aspects of the task or preparation
that you have control over and focus on those.
Think
about ways to reframe aspects of the task that seem out of
your control so that you can regain control.
Self-sabotaging behaviors can also arise from your need to
control a situation. When you are in control, you may feel
safe, strong, and ready to face anything that comes your way.
Certain types of self-sabotage provide this sense of
control. What you're doing may not be good for your mental
health or your relationships, but it helps you stay in control
when you're feeling vulnerable.
Take the example of
timing. Maybe you want to postpone a research paper because
deep down you're worried that you won't write it as well as
you hoped.
You know, writing it at the last minute,
won't help quality, but it will give you control over that
outcome because you chose to write it at the last minute.
It can also happen in relationships. Opening up to someone
emotionally can feel extremely vulnerable.
By keeping
things in, you hold what seems to have the upper hand. But in
the end, you don't reap the rewards of building intimacy by
not sharing your vulnerabilities.
Find out more about
« the fear of failure » with My Success Is Your Success. The
book through questions, quotes and reflections provides the
necessary elements to explore all about motivation so to shape
your success and help those around you do the same. Remember
that success is all about team efforts!
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This book is the result of forty years
of experience acquired with local and international
organizations and companies and during consultancy,
change management, transition and marketing services.
This 404-page
personal development book was published by WebTech
Publishing and is available online in English, North
American French and European versions. For more
information and to view the flip book, visit
webtechPublishing.
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About the Author
Decelles
Other publications:
ISO Pour Tous
– Le manuel
d’information ISO – Le guide de préparation ISO – La
gestion du changement en affaires – La gestion de
projet d’affaires – Le
changement POUR TOUS –
Change your future,
now! – Mon succès est votre succès.
Press Contact
Germain Decelles, o.s.j.
WebTech Management et Publication Incorpored
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