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Article published on LinkedIn.com:
May 10, 2024
38_negative_En.pdf
A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE
Pitfalls and
possible situations
Sometimes bad things happen without anyone being at fault. Sure, some
misfortunes can be someone else's fault, but that's not always
the case.
If you tend to find fault elsewhere whenever you
encounter difficulties, it may be helpful to take a closer
look at your role in what happened.
Suppose your partner, has relationship behaviors that
affect both of you.
You decide that she or he will not change, and you
break your partnership. You feel good about the breakup
because their refusal to change, has
held you back from moving forward to success. Trustworthy
people around you agree that you did the right thing.
However, if you don't take the time to explore how you might
have contributed to some of the problems in this relationship,
you are sabotaging your chance to learn and grow from the
experience.
Let’s explore the pitfalls and possible situations you may
encounter:
1.
You choose to leave when things aren't going well:
there's nothing wrong with moving on from situations that
don't meet your needs.
This may sometimes be the best option. But it's usually
wise to take a step back and ask yourself if you've really put
in the effort first.
Maybe you don't seem
to be holding down a job for very long. You left a job because
your supervisor treated you unfairly. You were laid off from
another job due to overstaffing. Or you quit a job because of
toxic co-workers, etc.
These are valid
reasons, but such widespread situations might raise something
more.
Doubts about your own
ability to succeed or hold a stable job could cause you to do
things that disrupt your performance or prevent you from
thriving at work. You may fear conflict or criticism.
It's hard, but
overcoming challenges and problems help you grow. When you
give up before you've tried hard, you may not learn to make
different choices in the future.
2.
You put off until the following day:
Have you ever found yourself stalled or stuck in the face of
an important task?
You are far from the only one in this case.
You've prepped, done all your research, and sat down to get
started, only to find you just can't get started. Your
motivation is completely gone.
So, you avoid the task of cleaning out the fridge, organizing
your junk drawer or starting a movie marathon.
Putting off a task or event can happen for no apparent
reason, but it usually has one or more underlying causes, such
as you feel overwhelmed with what you need to do, you have
trouble managing your time, you doubt your abilities or
skills.
3.
You seek to argue:
you
can subtly sabotage yourself to damage your relationships in
many ways when you seek the argument unnecessarily.
Maybe you're always
up for arguing, even over things that don't really matter,
like who picked the last restaurant you went to.
Or you do things to
provoke reactions, like leaving a mess in the kitchen or
deliberately forgetting important dates.
On the other hand,
you could easily get offended or take things personally
whether they are directed at you or not.
Or maybe you find it
hard to talk about your feelings, especially when you're
upset. Thus, you resort to grumbling or even mischievous
aggression instead of more effective methods of communication.
4.
You meet people who
are not suitable for you:
self-sabotaging
behaviors often appear in relationships. Meeting people who
don't tick all your boxes is a common type of relationship
self-sabotage.
You
could:
·
Keep dating the same
type of person even if your relationship continues to end
badly.
·
Try to make things
work with a partner who has very different goals for the
future.
·
Staying in a
relationship that leads nowhere.
You may be
monogamous, but you continue to develop attractions for
non-monogamous people. You try non-monogamy more than once but
end up getting frustrated and hurt each time.
Or, you want kids,
but your partner doesn't. But you remain in the relationship
secretly hoping that your partner will change their mind.
By continually repeating the
same aspirations, you prevent yourself from finding someone
who is a better match in the long term, whether in your
private life, at work and in society.
5.
You have difficulty
expressing your needs:
if you find it
difficult to speak for yourself, you may find it difficult to
meet all of your needs.
It can happen in family situations, among friends, at
work, in romantic relationships, in everyday interactions.
-
Imagine standing in line
at the supermarket with a sandwich when someone with a
cart full of groceries cuts in front of you.
-
You're in a rush to get
back to work, but you can't bring yourself to say
anything.
-
You let them go and found
yourself late for a meeting you really couldn't afford to
miss.
6.
You belittle
yourself:
people often set much higher standards for themselves than
they do for others. When you don't meet these standards, you
can give yourself some pretty harsh feedback.
·
I can't do anything
right!
·
I won't make it so
why should I care?
·
I really failed!
·
I'm horrible at this!
Whether you criticize
yourself in front of others or have a habit of speaking
negatively about yourself, the same can happen because your
words can eventually be taken as the truth.
Believing these reviews can
foster a destructive attitude and prevent you from wanting to
try again. In the long run, you might give up before you even
start.
What are the causes?
Self-sabotaging
behaviors are often the cause, as they are deeply ingrained
and difficult to recognize. Once you identify them, notice how
hard it is to accept them.
However, remember
that by recognizing these behaviors, you will have taken the
first step towards changing your attitude.
Also, remember that
you don't have to do this alone. Friends and loved ones and
trained therapists can all offer support.
To download this and previous articles, go to WebTech
Publishing (www.webtechpublishing.com)
and click on the green image (e-NewsLine).
To learn more about how to inspire success, visit WebTech
Management and Publishing Incorporated (www.webtechmanagement.com)
and click on the blue image (Wise whiZ) at the bottom right of
the screen.
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This book is the result of forty years
of experience acquired with local and international
organizations and companies and during consultancy,
change management, transition and marketing services.
This 404-page
personal development book was published by WebTech
Publishing and is available online in English, North
American French and European versions. For more
information and to view the flip book, visit
webtechPublishing.
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About the Author
Decelles
Other publications:
ISO Pour Tous
– Le manuel
d’information ISO – Le guide de préparation ISO – La
gestion du changement en affaires – La gestion de
projet d’affaires – Le
changement POUR TOUS –
Change your future,
now! – Mon succès est votre succès.
Press Contact
Germain Decelles, o.s.j.
WebTech Management et Publication Incorpored
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